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that it feels safe. <br /> <br />o The listeners are asked to state what they feel are the key issues between the par- <br />ties. This provides pro-active information to the protagonists, and helps them <br />process the conflict. <br /> <br />o Other members of the group are asked to state what they heard, how they feel about <br />it, and what some resolution of the problem would be. <br /> <br />* A RELATIONSHIP CONFRONTATION/RESOLUTION PROCESS (Cont.) <br /> <br /> <br />o If others were mentioned by either of the two protagonists, they are given an oppor- <br />tunity to provide their view of the situation and how they feel about it. <br /> <br />STEP 8. The first person is asked to express the needs of the other that she heard need to be met. <br />This is an expression of the other's best outcomes in the relationship. She then expresses <br />the needs she has that the other person can meet to help the relationship. <br /> <br />STEP 9. The other person states the needs he heard the first person has, and states what his needs <br />are. He then states what he is willing to do to meet the needs. <br /> <br />STEP 10. The first person repeats the needs she hears the other has, and states her willingness to meet <br />those needs. <br /> <br />STEP 11. (OPTIONAL) Each person describes the relationship they will have with the other in a set <br />period of time. This description may be recorded. This provides a best outcome or mission <br />of the parties. <br /> <br />STEP 12. Each person who participated states how they feel about the confrontation and resolution, <br />and what they learned from the experience. Each of the listeners speaks first, then the par- <br />ties in the conflict close the discussion. <br /> <br />o How do you feel about this experience? <br />o What did you learn that will make the group successful? <br /> <br />STEP 13. The parties are honored by having them go to the center of the room. This allows them to <br />make some physical gesture of resolution. <br /> <br />The facilitator manages this process. It is important that the individuals agree to the process in the <br />beginning. Once the individuals start to speak, they are allowed to continue without interruption. It is not <br />unusual for the other person to want to immediately set the record straight as the first person talks. The <br />facilitator must encourage this person to listen until the first person is done. <br /> <br />Sometimes another member of the group wants to interrupt and set the record straight. Again, the facilitator <br />must ask the person to wait until the protagonists themselves have spoken before letting others be involved. <br />Each person is allowed to speak, but in turn, when the individuals in conflict have had their say. <br /> <br />Sometimes one of the parties wants to go back over old ground. It is best to move the parties on, cautioning <br /> <br /> <br />MINUTES—Eugene City Council February 6-7, 2009 Page 18 <br /> Goals Setting Session <br /> <br />